My journey began in the Middle Realm in my inner grove. I tried to call for Galen, my Komodo Dragon, but he appeared only in the periphery. He seemed reluctant, which I thought made sense given my absence from journey work for a while. Looking around, I suddenly spotted a large Swan in the center of my lake. I approached the Swan and was allowed to ride on their back down the lake into a stream. As we glided along, the river turned from the initial clear blue to red to purple and back. We continued for some time, just following the quick current until a whirlpool suddenly appeared beneath us. We circled around and around until finally I was drip-plummeted into a foggy under realm of sorts.
It was dark and misty, hard to see. There seemed to be hanging mosses and craggy rocks all around with some dilapidated trees. A giant black hound appeared in front of me, it’s eyes the only luminousness around. It took me into its teeth, not hurting me, and leapt along through the fog, until it carried me to a small stony alcove. It dropped me there.
At this point, my shadow self seemed to unzip herself from me. I felt supremely uncomfortable, not right, my skin crawling. She began to speak to me about the necessity of the work I’ve done lately, the need to protect the pieces of me brought back, and the need to purify the toxins flowing through my body. She was stern with me that I needed to pursue my path forward without looking back. That the lessons learned were painful for a reason, but there is potential now to be at my best. I was then shown images of all of the men that have hurt me as a reminder of where I’ve come from.
My shadow then re-fused to me and I stood waiting. After a few moments of stillness, Hel appeared to me, seen within the reflection of a shallow pool of water. As I looked at her, I saw her half dead, half alive, dressed in a gray tunic sort of garment. There was a brief exchange of greetings, me giving some indication that I had hoped to meet here, and then she speared me through the middle. She said I must die. As I gasped and bled to death, I felt all anxiety begin to fade away. Almost as soon as I had died, I was suddenly bathed in a column of vibrant white light, the weapon disappearing. I saw myself in a white dress with my hair pinned up and black makeup around my eyes.
I gave Hel a rose in thanks for setting me free. She gave me a personal message about something I was worrying about, setting me free from the worry. Hel reminded me that the pain I went through was necessary and that I must take my vows seriously to Brigid.
Swan then reappeared and I realized she was female, and I resembled her in a way. Her name was Helve. I shapeshifted into a Swan myself and we glided away, talking. I asked if she was associated with Arianrhod, and she said she was but that there was no open call at this time and I could talk with her when I was ready.
As I moved along with Helve, I asked her what she had to offer me. She said I must glide through life with confidence, beauty, power, and grace.
I then went to visit Galen, my Komodo Dragon. He told me that his time as my primary power animal was over, but that he was still here for me – just no longer at my direct side. I wept. He said that now was not a time for me to work with male energies. I asked him, as he used to, to help eat some of my “dead flesh” or bad energy, and he did as I wept. When I apologized for not doing more journey work recently, he said it was okay, that I was moving through an important transition, and that he was proud of me. He was happy to work with me through this transition.
I said goodbye to Galen and flew toward where I knew I would find Brigid. Her floating island had changed appearance, currently just a field of emerald grass as far as I could see. I shapeshifted from a Swan to myself, still wearing the white dress, and stepped toward her. Brigid took out the sword she had given me in Blackfeather weeks ago (I had forgotten about this moment), and it hit me that she, too, was a part of this recently split. She nodded and told me that she was the Justice side of things, though her push had been far more subtle. She reminded me that my purpose is to empower and speak up for women. That I am where I am meant to be. After an embrace, I flew back down to the middle realm and screamed to be heard.
I affirmed that I will not let anyone hurt those I love, myself, or the pieces of me that have returned. I would retaliate against any wishing me or my loved ones harm. I vowed to keep needed defenses up and to be the warrior woman I need to be. Then the call back sounded.