I found myself standing in my Sacred Grove, only it was covered in a heavy blanket of snow. I was cold. But, I remembered that here in this place, I had power. I breathed warm breath over the land causing the snow to begin melting. But, it was not quick enough. Flames sprang from my hands which I used to warm myself (which actually worked in my physical body as well), and then blew water from within out into the flames sending a cascade of steam around me. The snow melted much quicker then.
Once done, I found a cloak laying on the ground – a beautiful forest green one, wool, I think, with a oak leaf brooch. I put it on as I contemplated who I wanted to try and see in this journey. Komodo and Brigid of course sprang to mind. As I turned to look deeper into my grove, I found Áine standing before me in a somber gray cloak, also with an oak brooch. An overwhelming send of joy and sadness came over me at once.
“Áine,” I said, “You’re a Goddess???”
“Yes,” she replied, smiling and loosing her tightly knit light brown bun, allowing it to cascade down over her shoulder. “I am. But I don’t wish you too see me in that way. I want you to see me as a friend, a guide, a sister. An ancestor. Because I am an ancestor,” she assured.
“So, I am of fairy line?”
She nodded, her gray, green, ever changing eyes shifting. “You are. Think about it. You’ve always loved fairies. Even when you were first drawn to paganism, what was the first Tarot deck you got? A fairy one. Your first few books branching into this? Books of fairy lore. The Sidhe.”
This made a great deal of sense, and I accepted it. “My intuition…” A topic of great pain for my recently. Áine didn’t seem ready to talk about this, nor would she be the multiple times I later tried to bring it up. For now, I had wings, and it was time to check them out.
There were black at first glance – ornate and intricate in the inner woven patterns. I noted as I looked closer that the entire spectrum of the rainbow was pulsating within and that I shed a pure white fairy dust behind me. Áine’s wings were pale and greenish, like a summer evening when the leaves are bright in the sun.
We flew for a while, looping in the air, diving around trees, and playing until she brought me to a clearing outside my own house. “I need you to drop deeper in,” she said, inviting me to take a few moments to detach further from my physical anchor.
I breathed and relaxed and then lifted from my body, flying out to the clearing and taking off with her again. At one point, we burst through a barrier in the sky, transitioning from the physical middle realm to the spiritual. All the houses were gone leaving only hills and trees.
We then blinked back to my Sacred Grove where she invited me to find the Oak that I’d used as armor. I flew for a few moments before finding that smaller clearing, and immediately stepped into my Oak tree. I spread my branch arms up to the sky, feeling Air. I dug my roots into the ground, feeling Earth. A cool, pleasant rain began to fall, feeling Water. I basked in all this a moment before I brought my pain to Áine.
“I need strength,” I managed.
“You have it. Within you is an Oak Seed, an Acorn, forever growing. You simply must water it. Allow it to grow and be.”
“I’m afraid. And my intuition… I can’t tell what is fear and what is real.”
Áine nodded again. “This is what we do know. Yes. He very well may find many temptations along this path. But it is his choice as to whether or not he lets those temptations go in favor of being with you. You, regardless, will be okay. And you, regardless, will be happy and full of love when this trial is over. You cannot help but to be happy. And you will always have love. Just be.”
I seemed to sigh, and it is hard to remember when precisely I came out of my Oak tree. Then, Áine affirmed the same sorts of things my Komodo and Goddess Brigid have been affirming.
“Make a change. Be a vegetarian for a little time. Be thankful. Eat the ancient grains. Fill yourself with the goodness of vegetables. Take time to care for yourself.” She also went on to say I needed to stop eating junk food and that I absolutely needed to avoid unnatural foods with dyes and processing. “When you want sweets, eat ones without all the junk,” she seemed to say.
I folded an acorn into the palm of her hand, and it was time to go. I flew back to my Grove’s gate and then ascended my staircase, back into my body.
Reflection on this journey: Well, a few major things come up for me.
1) This vegetarian cleanse is really important. It keeps coming up. She did also mention that I need to avoid the candy in my desk for my students. Generally, I just need to take care of me a bit better.
2) I was given the necessary reminder that regardless of what happens with my partner, I will be okay and I will be loved. Obviously, I hope that’s with him, but deep within me is an Oak seed, and I will be alright.
3) This time will pass. It is a trial. And right now I am absolute miserable and weak and that’s okay.
4) I want/need to explore my fairy line more.
5) I am on the path to becoming a Bard. I have done my initiation. I am dedicated to my path. And that is worth something big.